I posted in mostly detail about Ralph and I on the other blog. I need to put one conversation topic on one site and different ones on the other. But well fuck it. I don't care. So as Ralph is leaving he calls me to ask if I'm coming home. He says that he wants to make sure to say goodbye. He even takes time to hug me and kiss me on the cheek. I can't tell if this is his way of saying goodbye for good or not. Mostly I don't say anything and just pack up my laundry.
I thought that I would be angry or hurt or sad. But in all actuality I just feel numb. I saw this coming so the rage is not there, I'm not sad for some unknown reason, and I don't feel hurt. Mainly I just feel some weird sort of acceptance. I'm not going to dwell on it. All I know is that I have the apartment to myself for almost 2 weeks and that's more than enough time to come to terms with the fact that I may in fact be single again.
Unfortunately Jen, when Ralph and I tried to spend quality time together he mainly sat there not talking to me. I don't think quality time works when the other person is unable to talk to you. Or let you know when he's leaving for 2 weeks. I'm pretty sure he's stopped caring about this relationship and I'm pretty sure I'm done begging him to work it out with me. I'm tried of trying to change every little thing to make me seem more likeable to him. He has no trust in me. How can you be with someone who doesn't trust you? Especially when you haven't done anything to make the trust go away.
Alright if I have to talk about this anymore I'm going to pass out. I need to get my laundry done and clean the bathroom, because even when all else fails I'm still me. And I clean when I'm upset.
Amanda
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