Rage-ahol...

I just don't know. So Ralph got home last night at like 3am. I was asleep finally even though it took like 4 hours to get to bed. I didn't get to talk to him though because I was due to be up at 5am and needed that 2 hours to try and sleep a little more. So I went to work and got home really early. At work, I had to tell Larry that Ralph wasn't coming in today because he got home really late, etc. He then proceeded to tell me that he hopes Ralph is dealing with the death stuff ok. So hmm...what death. What death indeed. I went home and crawled into bed with Ralph and tried to hold him for the next 3 hours or so. Don't get me wrong I'm still pissed. I don't think people should treat others like garbage, regardless of the situation. We ended up talking a bit later that afternoon. I confronted him about not trusting me and not having faith in me. I mean, jesus, he told Larry before he told me anything. But, death is tricky. I don't know how I feel to be honest. I'm mad that he has no faith in me that I could be of any help with this situation. I'm mad that I feel mad. I just wish I knew where I stood with him. And when I asked him that very question he didn't really have an answer for me. Just that he understands the type of person I am and what I can handle and what I can't. That drives me crazy. Why do people make so many judgments. I mean they are human nature, but I hate being labeled so generically especially by Ralph.

So after this, I chilled for a while and worked out again. Gods bless endorphins. Then I asked him if he wanted to see a movie and we decided to go see I Know Who Killed Me (it sucked, hooker Lindsay Lohan is not enough to make a movie). We ended up both disliking it and talking about it on the ride home. Which was nice. I don't know how to fix this situation. Or even if I can. Maybe we're on a collision course and I can only brace myself for the inevitable crash. Here's hoping I have a big fucking airbag...

Meanwhile my Mom is flipping out. She thinks that the same shit will happen like before, only without Katie nearby. So she's worried about me going on anti-depressants again, and shit like that, but really I don't think the situations are the same. I'm certainly not as naive as I was with Elliot, and I'm much more protective of myself. That doesn't mean I don't need lovely lady support though.

Alright...enough for now.
Love you both!
Manda