My Life...

So since I'm not really sure I've explained everything about what's been happening with me lately, I will now. At length. Trust me.

So Ralph and I broke up. Twice. We were together for more than 2.5 years, which unbelievably is longer than Elliot and I were together. At first things were good, then things were tolerable, then good, then tolerable...this was a constant theme for us. Sometimes things were terrible. Sometimes I thought..."Well this is the time I'm going to be hit in the face". These times were not frequent but when Ralph would get angry, I got scared. I never told anyone, continued to talk about him like he was wonderful and made excuses. I can't believe that I became the type of woman who would stay with a man because he was good half of the time. Or the type that would stick around waiting for the time when I really would get hit. We broke up the first time and luckily for me Robert (a man I'd meant once I moved to Jax at work) offered me a place to stay if I needed it. A week later, Ralph somehow got me back, telling me all the things I'd always wanted to hear. Like that he loved me, and couldn't imagine life without me.

So we got back together. Had a terribly awkward Thanksgiving with my parents. Meanwhile, I continued to talk to Robert at every possible minute, online, text, at work, etc. He never once told me to leave him or pressured me or even really mentioned Ralph. After two weeks, Ralph and I were eating dinner and he decided to get pretty drunk and tell me that he thought Robert and I were sleeping together, and that I wasn't giving us a fair chance. Only half of that was true. Since he was drunk I told him we could talk about it later, but he started yelling (which for Ralph was terrifying) and pacing around the living room. I just sat there hoping that if I was small enough I might not get hit. I ended things that night. Locked myself in my room, and prayed that the pathetic lock on the door might detour his aggression. I left that weekend and basically moved into Robert's apt.

I ended up moving out about a week later. After I told my mom and dad what happened, my Dad threatened to move me to Conn. and kill Ralph as possible options. But instead they just helped me move into my new place.

The thing is that Robert has been my crutch, my knight, my everything. He takes me to movies so I don't think about it. Takes me to shows so I can meet people, see things, experience Jax. I am totally gone on him. He is so wonderful. I never considered him a real possibility at first because we are so different...He's 22, from a conservative background, republican, etc. I just thought that we'd be friends. But I don't think we'll ever be just friends. All I know now is that I haven't been this happy ever. I hate to say silly things like soul mates, or anything stupid like that but for the longest time I thought Elliot was the one and only, but now looking back that seems ridiculous. Robert and I are just honest all the time. No lies, no deceit, no mind games. I can't believe it took me so long to figure this shit out.

I can't wait for you both to meet him. You are the most important friends in my life, and I feel terrible that I kept things from you, i.e. Ralph. But I was so ashamed and embarrassed. I didn't know how to get away. I hope that you can both forgive me for being so stupid. I just want you both to know that I'm going to be discussing this relationship more frequently. And I want you both to meet him and get to know him, when you can.

I love you both, and here's hoping that a new year brings new starts and new possibilities.
Manda!

I need your addresses!!!!

Hey girls! I hope all is well. I was wondering if you would email me your addresses so that I can send you your Christmas presents. Thanks so much! Love you both!