Ok so I reread the first post and worry that it came off a little melodramatic. That actually wasn't my intention its just that lately love is on my brain. Maybe its the liberal medias fault or something of that nature.
Alright, so part 2. Here we go. I read the response Jen made about only being in love once and it occurs to me that of the lovely ladies on this website I'm the only one of the three of us to be in love more than once. I mean really. Katie even had the nerve to marry her high school sweetheart, you guys make me feel like the super slut in this threesome of ours. (Mostly joking...mostly.)
So now we are up to Elliot. Elliot was a weird one. The first time Elliot asked me out or we dated or whatever was so strange that looking back on it I almost don't feel like I can even remember 100% what happened. I mean I knew that Elliot had a thing for me. And had, had one, for a long time. So I almost think that the first time we tried dating it was mostly about a warped sense of pity. I mean when someone is your best friend you want to make him happy, right? Well, I tried. That didn't even come close to working. Shit, we didn't even kiss. I was way too weirded out. Then we went through a really awkward period where half my friend hated my ass (cough..cough...KATIE...cough...cough). Which was completely understandable. Eventually we started to patch things up and then, poof, it was easier to like Elliot. I mean there weren't anymore expectations or pity. It was just us. And it made sense. We made sense. We laughed at the same jokes, appreciated the same movies, had the same goals, the same dreams, the same long term expectations. That's the making of a perfect relationship, right? Well, sort of. Most of our 2.5 year relationship we agreed. When we had a fight we knew who was wrong, almost before the fight started. We were almost too in sync. I mean where is the fun when you already know what the other person is going to say. Where's the excitement? The adventure? The challenge?
Dating someone you know for forever has its plus side too of course. Elliot was reliable, almost to a fault. He was there most of the time when I needed him. He knew me. I mean really knew me, my past, my relationships, my everything. He knew my parents. Hell, my mom had been waiting for us to start dating for years. That's a lot of pressure on a couple. His mother was extremely involved from the start. I mean intimately involved. Sandy, started offering sex advice from the minute we started thinking about dating. She offered relationship advice, before we started dating. It was almost like dating the entire family. Our love life was never private. Never special. There was no need not to share anything with my girlfriends because you already knew it all. EVERYONE DID! That is probably one of the biggest problems with our relationship. But with all that said, I did love him. And it was different, because I was older, smarter, and he and I were heading in the same direction. I had jumped leaps and bounds since Jeff. I trusted Elliot more than ever trusted any other boyfriend. He had always been there for me as a friend, and now as a boyfriend. But when the time came down for me to move cross country and give up everything I'd ever known (except you Jen, mainly cause you'd be local). He couldn't give me what I needed. He couldn't promise me anything, not a commitment, not a time line, nothing.
In the end he let me down. Let me know that my faith had always been strong enough for the both of us, except at one point. I carry no ill will toward him and what's scary is that I still consider him a friend. I probably always will. If he really needed me, I'd be there. I don't love him anymore. That ended the day he couldn't manage to dump me, so I did it for him. I don't know if I told you all that. That I dumped myself for him. He couldn't get the words out. So I did it. And that was the end. Even with that, he's still just Elliot. The Simpson's movie is coming out and I'm almost having trouble with the idea of seeing it without him. It almost feels like some sort of betrayal.
Elliot was my second love. He was someone special taught me the importance of boundaries, and the importance of being an individual in a relationship. I mean where did Elliot stop and I begin. That's not healthy. And in some way I see him as my high school sweetheart, even though we didn't start dating until college.
That just leaves love #3. More on that later...
Amanda
No comments:
Post a Comment