'Manda, you should have never felt embarrassed or ashamed with regards to your relationship to Ralph. As your friend, I want you to be able to come to me regardless of the situation. I love you and all I care about is your well-being. I will never judge you, I'll just be there to protect you. With that mushy stuff aside, I am so happy that you had the power to get out of such a destructive relationship. Many women find it hard to do so, so you should be proud (particularly because you have found someone better). Robert sounds like a great guy, but I'll be the final judge of that (lol). I hope we all can get together soon (are you still planning to have your birthday in Orlando?). I would love to hear more about your relationship with Robert, so you better keep us updated!

Hey Katie!! Sorry that it has been awhile since we last talked. It seems that things have just been popping up here and there....I haven't had time to just sit down for even a few minutes. I know...excuses, excuses. I promise to try my best to call you more. Don't forget, you can always call me.

As for myself, I finally started my job. I have my own office (which is pretty sizeable) with a window. Jealous, right? Everything, so far, has been going well, but it has only been two days. I have been working on things from contracts to copyrights to dispute resolution. I'll post more once I've had at least a week under my belt.

I want to hear more about your lives, so please post. I love you both!!!!

My Life...

So since I'm not really sure I've explained everything about what's been happening with me lately, I will now. At length. Trust me.

So Ralph and I broke up. Twice. We were together for more than 2.5 years, which unbelievably is longer than Elliot and I were together. At first things were good, then things were tolerable, then good, then tolerable...this was a constant theme for us. Sometimes things were terrible. Sometimes I thought..."Well this is the time I'm going to be hit in the face". These times were not frequent but when Ralph would get angry, I got scared. I never told anyone, continued to talk about him like he was wonderful and made excuses. I can't believe that I became the type of woman who would stay with a man because he was good half of the time. Or the type that would stick around waiting for the time when I really would get hit. We broke up the first time and luckily for me Robert (a man I'd meant once I moved to Jax at work) offered me a place to stay if I needed it. A week later, Ralph somehow got me back, telling me all the things I'd always wanted to hear. Like that he loved me, and couldn't imagine life without me.

So we got back together. Had a terribly awkward Thanksgiving with my parents. Meanwhile, I continued to talk to Robert at every possible minute, online, text, at work, etc. He never once told me to leave him or pressured me or even really mentioned Ralph. After two weeks, Ralph and I were eating dinner and he decided to get pretty drunk and tell me that he thought Robert and I were sleeping together, and that I wasn't giving us a fair chance. Only half of that was true. Since he was drunk I told him we could talk about it later, but he started yelling (which for Ralph was terrifying) and pacing around the living room. I just sat there hoping that if I was small enough I might not get hit. I ended things that night. Locked myself in my room, and prayed that the pathetic lock on the door might detour his aggression. I left that weekend and basically moved into Robert's apt.

I ended up moving out about a week later. After I told my mom and dad what happened, my Dad threatened to move me to Conn. and kill Ralph as possible options. But instead they just helped me move into my new place.

The thing is that Robert has been my crutch, my knight, my everything. He takes me to movies so I don't think about it. Takes me to shows so I can meet people, see things, experience Jax. I am totally gone on him. He is so wonderful. I never considered him a real possibility at first because we are so different...He's 22, from a conservative background, republican, etc. I just thought that we'd be friends. But I don't think we'll ever be just friends. All I know now is that I haven't been this happy ever. I hate to say silly things like soul mates, or anything stupid like that but for the longest time I thought Elliot was the one and only, but now looking back that seems ridiculous. Robert and I are just honest all the time. No lies, no deceit, no mind games. I can't believe it took me so long to figure this shit out.

I can't wait for you both to meet him. You are the most important friends in my life, and I feel terrible that I kept things from you, i.e. Ralph. But I was so ashamed and embarrassed. I didn't know how to get away. I hope that you can both forgive me for being so stupid. I just want you both to know that I'm going to be discussing this relationship more frequently. And I want you both to meet him and get to know him, when you can.

I love you both, and here's hoping that a new year brings new starts and new possibilities.
Manda!

I need your addresses!!!!

Hey girls! I hope all is well. I was wondering if you would email me your addresses so that I can send you your Christmas presents. Thanks so much! Love you both!

Good Lord

Your life never lacks for drama, huh? It sounds to me like you could use a vacation. A vacation to someplace fabulous, that you've never considered going to before. A place like, oh, I dunno, Minneapolis! We have two fabulous guest rooms, a new dog, and live less than 10 minutes from the Mall of America. Lots of yarn stores, a German restaurant where they sell beer in a boot (waaaaaaayyyyyy too much booze for us, but fun to watch other people drink), and tons of other great stuff. Both of you ladies are welcome anytime.

I may need to hide out with one of you, because I may murder Eric. Last paycheck was the first one we had any leftover from (cause the first 2 were totally eaten up by bills and whatnot), so I was feeling pretty good. The dog got sick and I used the rest of my money from college to pay for that,and this paycheck and the next one will be smaller than normal cause of tax stuff, but still, we were doing ok. And the what the fuck does Eric do? He comes home bitching about how annoying it was to restart our XM radio. Hang on a second, how much did that cost? Ready? Ready?



$450. What. The. FUCK! The worst part is, he has no idea what he did wrong. "But its for 3 years!" Who the fuck cares? He doesn't even drive the car that much anymore, and I'm willing to live with free radio. So instead of having $800 to get us through till next paycheck (Friday after next), we have $300 (cause with tax, the total bill was $500). The rest is for rent. I have no money left in my checking account, and I have no credit card, so I have no way to pay for anything. And we have no savings, because Eric spends everything he gets. I have no idea what to do about this. If I try to talk to him about it, he either gets defensive or accuses me of panicking. Yeah, cause not having any money to pay bills or buy food is totally not a reason to panic. Not having any savings for emergencies, or down payment on a house, or for future children is silly to worry about. I'm thinking of going back to Petsmart, just so I can hoard the money from that job. Saving $180 a week is better than nothing.

Sorry Manda, this was supposed to be a supportive post, but I'm just freaking out about money stuff. Oh, and Jen, congrats on passing the bar. I hope everything is going ok for you and Kevin.

~Katie

Let's Talk Amanda!

Call me whenever you have the free time (anytime is good for me). I miss you and I love you!!!! You can always talk to me. (You too, Katie).

HELP!!!!

Time for some drama. So you both are aware of the fact that Ralph and I haven't been getting along recently. You both also know that there was someone else I recently met who is just a friend, but does like spending time with me, oh and noticing I exist. Which is a nice change. On Saturday, Ralph and I broke up. It took like 5 hours of talking to come to some sort of understand about why I was feeling what I was feeling. He spent a good chunk of the time trying to make me come back to him, comparing me to a "star" and all this other bullshit. He also accused me of cheating on him with not 1 person but 3. (Gary, Robert (the new friend), and NITIN of all people). So yeah. It is great living here now, which is probably why I've been spending every evening out somewhere else.

The thing is I don't want to be a bitch and I'm trying to be understanding. But he keeps doing weirder and weirder shit. Like 3 days ago he begged me to go to breakfast with him. and 2 nights ago he begged me to have dinner with him. I went to both, but its weird and uncomfortable for me, and he just keeps staring at me. And then yesterday he asked if we could go to the mall together to get a new battery for his watch. What the hell>!?!?

The biggest fiasco though, was today at work. He walked in to Publix as the store was finishing and pulled Robert aside and said "We need to have a chat about what you're doing with Amanda". WHAT THE FUCK!

A. We are doing nothing except hanging out with his roomie and his girlfriend.
B. NONE OF HIS BUSINESS
C. VIOLATION OF PRIVACY
D. We are AT WORK!
E. Did I mention...NONE OF HIS BUSINESS??!??1?!??1

Robert went to the office to try and talk to him and he said "This doesn't concern work in any way, so I'll call you later..." THEN WHY DID HE COME TO WORK IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!?!?!??1?!

Seriously...I'm going to kill something soon.
Call me or write something up on the blog...
Manda

Just a reminder that Xmas is coming soon, and some girls should update their wishlists so that they don't get coal for Xmas from a certain friend who currently resides in Jax and does their Xmas shopping early, like when they have money, as appose to in December when they barely work and have no money for food let alone Xmas presents...hint hint.

Just sayin'.

Amanda